Unlocking independence: Sunday with my 10-year old

This past Sunday was one of those simple days, but somehow it cracked open a big realization— Owen is growing up.

And not in a “my baby is getting tall” kind of way, but in a “wow, he’s showing up with confidence, independence, and a sense of responsibility that I didn’t even know we were ready for” kind of way.

It started with groceries. (Doesn’t it always?)

My husband, Jim, was helping his mom that morning, which meant I was back on grocery and meal-planning duty. He’s taken it over the last few months, and it has been delightful to have that off my plate. So on Sunday, even the thought of opening a grocery app to place a pick-up order sounded like a pain in the ass. I was dragging my feet.

Enter: Sanford Sunday—our family ritual where we go screen-free until noon and focus on connection, fresh air, and being present together. Usually, we take a family walk or get outside in some way. That morning, my daughter and husband had already headed out, and Owen was hanging in the kitchen with me while I cleaned up and attempted to start a grocery list.

Half-joking, I turned to him and said, “Hey bud, want to do the grocery order today?”

He paused. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” I said, handing him my phone (cue immediate enthusiasm), “You can use the app to make the list. Look at what we wrote down on the fridge, choose organic fruits and veggies, pick our usual brands, and then I’ll review it before we check out.”

He was all in. And honestly? He nailed it.

He asked questions. Cross-checked the fridge. Thought through what he needed for his own lunches. Because here’s the thing—he’s started making his own lunch again.

For years, school lunch has been the norm for him. His choice, but certainly easier for me. But lately, he’s been noticing how certain foods make him feel. After a string of stomachaches, we had a quick chat. “I think I want to start bringing my lunch again,” he said.

“Great,” I said. “Want me to make it for you?” I pack a lunch for Vivian daily, so it would have been an easy add.

But he wanted to do it himself.

So now, each morning, he makes his own lunch. He knows what he wants. He helped build the grocery list, so he knows what we have. And there’s this whole new level of self-direction unfolding.

From Checklists to Habits

If you’ve followed me for a while, you probably know about The Morning Five—a tool I created to help kids (and let’s be honest, parents too) start their days with structure, connection, and purpose. Owen used to use it religiously—checking the boxes, taking pride in that morning rhythm.

But lately? He’s not using it as much anymore. And you know what? That’s totally okay.

Because that was never the point. The checklist was a tool, not the destination. It was a way to build consistency and confidence—and now those habits are just part of him.

He wakes up, makes his lunch. Comes home from school and immediately feeds the dogs. It’s part of his flow now. No reminders needed. No visual aid. Just natural rhythm.

It was a satisfying full-circle parenting moment.

Sunshine, Soccer, and a Little More Freedom

That afternoon, I had big plans to “flip over” my closet from winter to spring! Fun for me! Not so much for my kids, plus it was gorgeous outside and they needed to soak in the sunshine. So I texted a few mom friends and said, “Want to get the boys together for a bike or soccer hangout?”

The boys met up at a friend’s house, walked to the park with a soccer ball and played. No one had a watch or phone. Just freedom, fresh air, and friendship. After an hour or two, they made their way back to their friend’s house to watch a little basketball and to play a wild game of Throw Throw the Burrito.

As I exchanged texts late in the day with the other moms, I thought —we’ve hit a new stage. One where Owen can be home alone for a bit after school and I don’t worry. One where he can message me from his Garmin watch if needed (of course he forgot it this day in particular!), or meet his friends at the park safely and confidently.

Responsibility + Freedom = Growth

I recently read The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, and while much of it was sobering, the topic that stuck with me most wasn’t the headline-making rules like “no social media before 16.” It was the concept of freedom and responsibility.

He talks about starting small—giving kids allowance at age five, having them help with chores, sending them next door for an egg. It’s all about offering micro-freedoms that grow over time.

We’ve tried to do that with both our kids. My daughter, now eight, walks a block down to be a “mother’s helper” for a neighbor’s toddler. I can see the house from our front porch, and I text the mom to say she’s on her way. It’s safe and it’s hers.

And with Owen, I’m watching that same model scale. From lunch prep to grocery shopping to meeting up with friends, he’s earning more trust, and it’s clear he’s ready.

Preparing for the Next Level

For years, we’ve had the screen and device battle: When is the right time? What is too much? We do the best we can. And it’s turned out to be different for each kid—our daughter, for example, thrives and goes into zen mode when she is listening to books on Audible. So, having an Alexa in her room and an old phone to listen to books or music has been a game-changer.

Lately, I’ve found myself wondering when it’s time to upgrade Owen to an Apple watch. He’s not begging for it—quite the opposite. “My Garmin works fine,” he says.

But I’m the one feeling the need. As we give him more independence, I want him to have the tools to navigate it safely. I want him to be able to message me if he bikes to our favorite pizza spot, Cenzo’s. I want him to be able to pay for his slice. I want to meet this moment—not just with rules and structure, but with support and trust.

Because that’s the dance, right? Freedom with responsibility. Guidance with independence.

The Beauty in the Ordinary

Every season of parenthood reveals something new. This one is reminding me that independence is not a flip-switch moment—it’s something built slowly, in mundane moments like grocery shopping and making lunches.

So today, I’m celebrating my 10-year-old son—for who he’s becoming, for how he’s growing, and for the privilege of witnessing this chapter unfold.

#RaisingKids #ParentingReflections #TheMorningFive #SanfordSundays #FamilyRoutines #ScreenFreeSunday #FreedomAndResponsibility #BuildingIndependence #AGlitteringLife